


Barry's Problem With Clowns or The List of Creepy

by Enina



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Barry is not impressed, Humor, M/M, also Ollie is a yerk, and he still owns Len some good pasta, and nobody takes him serious, as is Felicity, at all, the joker causes trouble in Central City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:42:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enina/pseuds/Enina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry has a long list of things he doesn't like and finds outright creepy.</p><p>Standing in the huge ballroom among a gathering of the rich and powerful as well as a bunch of criminals with clown-masks and guns, he decides that this is not going to be one of his days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barry's Problem With Clowns or The List of Creepy

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sick and can't do much but resting right now, so I went through the folder of one-shots I've started a while ago and picked this one.
> 
> It is just a funny little piece I really enjoyed writing, didn't finish and totally forgot about till today. So I gave it an ending, polished it a bit, and hope you guys will enjoy it. ;)
> 
> It's not edited.

Barry frowns at the mess in front of him, not really sure what to make of it.

The last time he checked, he is pretty sure he had no psychopathic clown in his Rogues gallery.

... and, heck, why does it have to be clowns?

 They are so damn _creepy_.

Stephen King’s _It_ was the sole reason why he needed a nightlight up till fourteen, and he holds the damn movie also responsible for all the mental scarring that came with Iris relentless teasing about it…

Yes, he definitely isn’t happy to have that clown within his city borders.

And, god, that guy looks so much creepier than Pennyworth ever did.

Just look at that _grin_.

Barry shudders and lets his eyes move through the rest of the ballroom to get a quick picture of what he had to deal with.

Men with guns and really off-putting clown masks?

Check.

Rich and powerful from the Twin’s once percent?

Check.

More men with guns and really off-putting clown masks?

Yep.

More of the rich and might-

Wait a minute!

Is that Olli over there?

What the-

Oh, come on! That man always gets all pissed off when Barry comes to visit Starling City, even if it is just as Barry Allen, and insists that he announces his arrival like _a week_ beforehand.

Apparent, Ollie isn’t even able to pick up a damn phone and give him, Caitlin, or Cisco a heads-up, though.

That’s so typical-

… wait…

Is that…

Holy heck! It is!

There is _Bruce Wayne_!

…

…

Hm, he does look bigger on television.

Anyway, why would be one of Gotham’s most infamous nutcases crashing a charity gala in Central City? Barry highly doubts that Wayne brought that psycho and his merry men along in his luggage.

Hopefully the Batman isn’t here as well. Felicity told him all about how Ollie is still having a rash from how worked up he got over that man’s attitude when he was forced to work together with him a couple of months ago.

Apparently the vigilante has been in business for years already, without anybody noticing it, which, to be honest, is quite impressive.

Still, bats are somewhere on Barry lists of things he doesn’t want to have to encounter, somewhere below clowns and butterflies.

So, does that mean that Ray is here as well?

Oh.

There he is

Uh, and…

…

…

Seriously!?

Felicity!?

That _traitor_!

Why hasn’t she called them at least!?

Come on! What is it with them? Are they really this unable to take him seriously? He has been in this business nearly _two years_ by now, and they still treat him like a damn-

_Urgh!_

Whatever, it’s _their_ loss.

…they are too slow for him anyway.

Barry tries not to pout as he glowers darkly at the pretty blond woman for a moment longer before turning back to the ballroom in general.

Where was he again?

Ah, right, the Joker.

What does a crazy rogue from Gotham like him in Central City?

There are no exhibitions that would offer something lucrative to go over right now as far as Barry knows.

Though, then again, he doubts that the Batman’s rogues would be interested in something like this anyway from what he has heard about them. They seem less interested in these kind of things and more in causing havoc.

Which is probably for the best, anyway, because Len would just throw another hissy fit should some _outsider_ pass by and try to pull a thing on what he considers _his_ turf.

Barry still remembers the debacle with _Deadshot_ towards the end of last year, and he seriously doesn’t need a repetition of that. It made him feel less like the Twin’s scarlet protector and more like a kindergarten teacher trying to keeping two temper tantrum throwing boys from killing each other and damaging the Keys too much.

No matter what Caitlin says, Barry knows that the only reason he hasn’t started to go grey yet is thanks to his powers. With all that stress he would probably have had an amorism by now otherwise.

Wait! He needs to focus! Here are human lives at risk!

Right, so, the clown. Why would someone like he be here?

Maybe _Luthor_?

The honourable guest is known to have made his hands dirty before, so maybe the clown has some outstanding score with him?

Why anybody would even seriously consider to elect such a shady guy as their next head of state is completely beyond Barry, anyway.

Anybody able to use _Google_ could look up Wikileaks and find tons of reason why that is a bad idea.

Like, a REALLY bad idea.

Should it turn out that the crazy clown is here due to Luther, Barry would win twenty bucks at least. He told Cailtin and Cisco that this guy’s visit would end up in extra work for them, and maybe they would even start to listen to his hero intuition after this?

…

Well, that’s unlikely, but, then again, he usually-

Damn it!

 _Focus_!!!

Right. Right, the Joker…

Barry has made a sweep of the building already, no bombs there and just a couple of goons that are currently unconscious and gagged, ready for the police to take them into custody.

He wonders whether Joe already knows-

…

Right, focus. He’s completely, utterly _focused_.

So, there seems no imminent threat to the building or the people in it other than a bunch of lunatics dressed up as the most horrifying symbol for fun _ever_.

Wait, didn’t he read that this guy actually likes to use bioweapons?

Well, he probably would have tripped over something like that during his search but better safe than sorry.

Barry sweeps the building once more, this time extra thoroughly, but other than for a rather suspect looking lunch box behind one of the huge fridges in the lower kitchen, there isn’t really anything catching his interest.

The lunch box has a picture of Dora the Explorer on its cover and has definitely been there too long to be of any significance judging by the layer of dust that has settled on it, but Barry likes to say that it is the investigator in him who is curious about what the thing could hold.

In any case, it wouldn’t hurt to take a-

Holy _fuck_!?

What the heck!?

Are these _teeth_!?

What!?

_What!?!_

Damn it!

Why _teeth_!?

Damn it!

He hates teeth, even _more_ than damn clowns and butterflies _combined_!!!

_Come on!_

He definitely can look forward to a nightmare riddled night.

He sighs.

_Just great._

The lunch box with the _teeth_ , by now already safely stashed away back behind the fridge again, is still on his mind as he re-enters the huge well decorated ballroom again.

He studies the creepy clown with an unhappy frown and decides that, should he ever cross ways with him, he would definitely ask the Batman to keep a better tap on his psychopathic clowns.

Isn’t the Joker supposed to be in the Arkham Asylum, anyway?

From what Barry remembered from his trip he made there with the other exchange student during his six month stay in Gotham, he can’t really hold it against the criminal that he needs a change of scenery, though.

They never went inside the actual asylum back then, but to some old building that was once part of it, and that has been converted into a very creepy museum about its history. It still has been enough that, since that day, Barry has put creepy old Victorian mansions right next to clowns on his list of creepy.

Now that he is thinking about it, maybe he should keep in mind to not let this list thing get out of hand.

…

So much for _focusing_ on the problem at hand.

Barry heaves a heavy sigh and reminds himself that this always happens when he skips his _six o’clock snack_ …

He makes a round through the room to take care of the weapons, and it is just plain ridiculous how many guns these guys carry with them. He isn’t that Superman-guy from Metropolis, carrying these things out of here is actually _not easy_ for him.

Not that most people would know that thanks to the stupid news who keep insist that having super-speed comes hand in hand with having super-powers or invulnerability…

And he is getting _cranky_ again. Definitely a sigh that he should grab a snack.

There is so much food around, Barry is certain nobody would notice if he eats a bit of it.

An emptied buffet table later, he feels much better and decides to bring this to a…

Wait.

He stops and tilts his head.

Is the Joker pointing at the ceiling? Has he already been doing that before?

Barry looks up and…

The fire sprinkler system.

Of course!

How could he have not thought of that before?

He is definitely going to pin this on his missed six o’clock snack.

Closing all the necessary valves to stop the most likely hazardous water from poisoning anybody does takes quite a while as he has to look for a manual – a printed one because even really fast computers are so damn slow when it comes to his kind of speed – and read through it.

Barry just hopes that no actual fire would break out in the meantime as he has also cut off the all of the three main water supply line of the building just to be on the safe side.

He is pretty sure the people who are currently using the loo are going to curse him, though.

Back in the festive ballroom, Barry finally slips out of the speed force and watches how the frozen world around him starts to move again.

“-d we all know that we can’t have those long faces-” The Joker seems to freeze for a second before looking up to his hand that had been holding a gun just the other moment.

“Puddin’! Someone _stole_ my hammer!?”

Huh, Barry actually thought that crazy looking lady would sound just like that. The high pitched voice could cut through Granit, and he has no idea how her _Puddin’_ and his henchmen aren’t deaf yet.

“What the hell is going on? Who is messing around with _my show_?” The Joker sounds more befuddled than really infuriated by the sudden absence of his weapon, and a murmur starts to rise through crowd of actual attendees, and confused and alarmed thugs alike.

“Boss, someone took our guns!”

“There, that guy was it! That _Flash_ guy!”

Barry is kind of impressed that it could take them this long to notice him. He stopped directly in front of the huge entrance doors, there is probably no other place he would have given himself away this easily…

Though, to be fair. What he considers as long is not always what anybody would consider as long these days, even when he isn’t connected to the speed force.

“ _The Flash_!”

“It’s _the Flash_!”

“ _The Flash_ is here!”

People started to point at him and a general aura of relief settled over the wide ballroom. It is quite flattering and, damn, he has to bite down on the urge to put on a smug grin in front of Olli, who clearly doesn’t share the sentiment of the majority regarding his arrival and instead looks outright annoyed.

That’s it! He would pass by Starling City every damn night for the _next two weeks_ , just to annoy him!

Seriously...

“ _You!_ ” The Joker points an accusing finger at him. “What the hell are you thinking!? Ruining _my_ show!?! We didn’t even reach the climax yet, Speedy!”

Barry bristles at that name and, out of the corner of his eyes, he can see that so does Ollie.

Why keep criminal doing this? What is so hard about calling him by his actual hero name? It isn’t even difficult to pronounce or anything!

… and the clown is grinning at him now as well!

“You think you can just come here and butcher my grand finale?” Joker asks with a wide grin, and, oh boy, it seems Barry has again someone at hand who likes to talk.

He probably should have seen this coming though. Nobody who dresses like _this_ is a wallflower.

“Stand down!”

Huh, security seems to have shaken off their stupor.

Good… or not.

The Joker is obviously not paying any attention to them, neither is his female friend who is now glaring at him. “Yeah! You can’t just ruin our show! My pudding put so much effort into it, you meanie!”

Yes, that woman is definitely a bit bonkers.

“Stand down or-” One of the security guards bellows but is once again cut off.

“But don’t worry, ladies and gents!” The Joker suddenly turns towards the crowd of onlookers again, and in a fluid movement that is so quick that even Barry is a bit impressed, there is suddenly a small device in his hands.

“We won’t let our night be ruined by this party-pooper! I’ve enough funny jokes for all of you,” he croons, and Barry can’t help but worry whether he would have to save this idiot from being shot by the now clearly horrified looking security guards…

Oh, and there goes Luthor, already ushered out by his personal security.

 _Nice_ , so he wouldn’t have to interact with him, after all.

Barry hates how some people, especially rather rich businessmen and politicians, seem to think that he is just waiting to stick around and play twenty questions with them or pose for just as many photos after saving their lives.

But that not something he has to worry about tonight, it seems.

…wait…

Barry turns his attention back to the clown and shakes the slight connection he unintentionally established with the speed force off once again.

He bristles slightly when he realizes that the Joker is now looking directly at him with a wide grin that is all teeth and… well, he didn’t really plan on sleeping tonight anyway.

Or the rest of the week.

“And believe me,” the creepy clown says. “They are to _die_ for.”

Damn, even his voice is horrifying like this!

Forget it, no sleep for Barry for the whole _month_!

Who needs sleep anyway!?

Out of the corner of his eyes, Barry notices several things happening at once, then. Two of the guards pull the trigger of their weapons, all the goons start to pull over gas masks, Ollie reaching for something in his jacket, and Ray pulling Felicity closer while also reaching for something into his own jacket.

Are they carrying their hero suits in like _Hoi Poi_ capsules around with them? And why does everything Ollie does always have to look so damn _badass_?

Whatever, he should really take care of the bullets before the creepy clown gets hurt.

And done.

People are screaming around him in fear as they seem to have realized what the madman’s scheme is by now. They try to cover their noses and mouths with napkins or some part of their dresses and suits, and Barry immediately feels like such a jackass for not pointing out earlier that nothing is going to happen and that they are all safe.

When nothing happens within the next couple of seconds, the cries start to die down on their own, though, and people start to look up at the ceiling with wary hopefulness while the goons just look confused and alarmed.

The Joker, on the other hand, looks livid and briskly walks up at Barry, who stand now rather close to him due to the _bullet out of the air picking_ -business from before.

“You ruined it!” the crazy man cries and actually tries to smash the small controller into his face. Like about all the other things people ever tried to smash his face in with, Barry easily evades it but flinches when he hears a guy yelp in pain behind him a moment later.

Before he has the opportunity to turn around and apologize to the unlucky person who stood in the trajectory of the little device, the increasingly annoying clown reaches for the flower in his chest pocket and-

Seriously?!

Acid?

Barry fights the urge to sigh and to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

This is just not his night.

The ugly purple jacket is quickly gone from the other man, whom Barry may or may not have accidently punched in the face while taking it off.

“Stop it!” The Joker sounds seriously pissed now, and Barry is just about to eye the rest of his clothes with a mixture of suspicion when he finally hears the thunder of heavy footsteps reaching them from the end of the ballroom where the entrance from the staircase lies.

Thank god, that took _forever_!

No ten minutes later things are under control, and Barry, who has impatiently waited around to see all the criminals safely in handcuffs before leaving, turns to do just that-

And there is Luther at the entrance, making a beeline towards him.

He really can’t catch a break tonight, can he?

Damn Ollie, he is certain he can hear him snicker from somewhere close-by.

“Flash,” Luthor starts in a pompous voice that sounds through the whole room as he offers his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet-”

Barry tries to listen but the wide smile of the man that show two rows of immaculate looking teeth cause his attention to shift to something else entirely, and with an absentmindedly _Hullo_ towards the politician, he turns around where Joker and Harley are currently about to be lead away.

“Wait, Joker?” he calls out and causes the green haired nutcase as well as his lady friend and the officers to halt and look towards him.

“Um, you wouldn’t have hidden a small Dora the Explorer lunch box that is full with human molars behind one of the fridges in the third floor kitchen?”

The room around him grows quiet, and he decides that, yes, maybe he shouldn’t have blurted that out like this.

He is still pinning it on the missed 6 o’clock snack, though, as something like this seriously messes with his head.

The Joker gives him a funny look before he starts to roar with laughter, seemingly finding the prospect of pulled human molars quite funny.

Yes, Barry’s view of clowns hasn’t improved whatsoever tonight.

“Well, I take this as a no.” He nods to the still confused and slightly unsettled looking officers and decides that he definitely has deserved a small break before the next emergency…

Fuck!

“C?” he asks as soon as he turned the line to S.T.A.R. labs back on.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“WHAT THE HELL!??!”

Barry flinches reaches for his earpiece to turn the volume down because he would like not to have to re-grow his eardrums after the end of this conversation.

“What did we say about turning off the dame line, man?! We can’t actually work as a team when you don’t keep the line _open_!”

“Sorry, things kind of got rather dicey there for a second-”

“Are you still in the Manapul tower?”

“Yeah…”

Barry glances around and notices the curious looks he gets.

Huh, Bruce Wayne is watching him with a rather intense expression…

That guy is supposed to be a playboy with some rather dicey tastes, maybe he’s also into guys who dress up?

The notion makes him a bit uneasy, not that Barry isn’t already settled when it comes to this part of his life, anyway.

He has to give the man that he does look rather good, though-

“What happened?” Cisco demands. “The news have mentioned something about the Joker?”

“Uh, yeah, he is here-”

“The Batman too!?”

“Uh, no. Not the Batman, but, uh…” Barry’s eyes land on the billionaire from Gotham again, who suddenly seems to grow very still. Odd. “Bruce Wayne is here.”

Then he remembers Luthor and shoots him a glance, noticing how pissed the man seems to be all of a sudden.

“Oh, and Lex Luthor too.”

For some reason the politician’s face grows even darker which Barry takes as a good sign, seeing that the man most likely is too bothered by something else to be really interested in exchanging forced pleasantries with him.

“But you know that already,” he adds towards Cisco.

He really should get moving and with one last brief glance towards Ollie and the others, he speeds out of the building, slow enough this time that the connection to the laboratories doesn’t collapse by accident again.

“I’ll leave the line on in case something comes up, but I will make a quick detour to one of my other headquarters.”

“You don’t have other headquarters!” Cisco disagrees firmly, sounding like he has been just affronted. “That are _not_ your other headquarters! It is a hideout. For criminals. _Your_ criminals!”

“Did I tell you that Lisa asked me to tell you she said hello?”

“…”

“Where is Caitlin, by the way?” Usually, after a stunt like this, the doctors can’t wait to start and chewing him out for how reckless he has been, and that she isn’t doing so already worries him a bit. “She’s alright?”

“Yeah, she’s sleeping next door,” his friend explains and still sounds a bit miffed. “She nodded off before the thing with the Joker and Manapul tower came in. So, remember, I expect high quality fast food as payment to keep her out of the loop about this.”

Barry snorts but agrees, just as he reaches the part of the outer skirts of Keystone City where the Rogues are currently haven taken temporary residence.

“So, if you don’t wanna listen to how Len sticks his tongue down my throat, you better turn to volume to low,” he warns and grins when he hears Cisco’s protests. “Dude, ew, not cool. Really not cool, man!”

Barry grins turns his side of the connection on mute.

Most of the Rogues are currently lazing off in the living room and only shoot him a brief and clearly unconcerned look as he suddenly appears in the middle of it in full Flash gear.

“Hey, guys,” he greets and pulls his mask back. “Where’s Len?”

“Kitchen,” Mick tells him as he keeps studying his cards.

“Thanks!” Barry turns around and speeds over to the small make-shift kitchen this hideout has to offer. He stops at the doorway and can’t help but smile when he sees his partner at the small kitchen table, eating a plate of instant pasta, and studying some magazine about electronics.

Len doesn’t need long to pick up to notice his presence. He looks over to him, and Barry feels a giddy warmth settle in his stomach as he gives him a lazy but inviting smile.

“Hey.” Barry grins and walks over in a slow pace. “I thought I would pay you a little surprise visit.”

“Taking a little break after your run-in with the creep from Gotham?”

“You’re stalking me again?”

Len snorts and lays an arm around Barry’s waist after he has stopped next to him to pull him onto his lap.

“Just keeping tap on you,” he says with a smirk and pulls him into a kiss.

Barry hums in pleasure, but can’t help but notice the taste of the cheap instant pasta. He pulls back, which causes Len to grunt in displeasure so that he swiftly presses an apologetic kiss onto the corner of his lips.

“I told you I would cook for you tonight,” he points out and cups the other man’s face with his hands. “And I actually wanted to make you _real_ pasta.”

“It’s already half past eight,” Len argues with an amused smile and turns his head slightly to press a kiss onto Barry’s palm. “I’m hungry, and I wasn’t sure how long you’d need to take care of that clown.”

“Nobody has any faith in me.” Barry huffs in fake annoyance before he chuckles. “You’re all underestimating me, I tell you.”

“I don’t,” Len disagrees and starts to caress Barry’s sides through his costume. “But your ego would get the better of you if I wouldn’t pull you back down every once in a while.”

“I’m not big-headed!”

“Not yet.”

Barry laughs and loops his arms around his partner before leaning in so that he can rest his head on his shoulder.

“Tired?” Len asks and returns the embrace.

“Missed my six o’clock snack.”

“Oh noes.”

“Don’t be mean.” Barry grins against the warm and soft skin of Len’s throat.

“I’m not, I’m displaying honest sympathy.”

“Riiight.”

Len presses a kiss against his chin, and Barry closes his eyes.

“I’m proud of you,” he says and shudders when Len moves his hands further south so that he can cup his ass.

“Yeah? For what?”

“You haven’t thrown a hissy fit over the Joker being on _your_ turf, so far.”

Len snorts. “I don’t throw hissy fits-”

“Says _you_.”

“- and he’s Candyman’s problem. The Manapul tower belongs to his part of the city.”

“Good.” Barry sighs and brushes his lips against the side of Len’s throat again which causes him to shudder in return. “The clown is creepy.”

“To you everything is creepy,” Len argues with audible amusement in his voice. “Even _butterflies_.”

“… butterflies _are_ horrifying.” Barry tries to sound as dignified as possible as he says this.

“You’re scared of the weirdest things.”

“Clowns are legitimately scary!”

“Well, I’ll give you that-”

“Barry?” Cisco’s faint voice piques up in Barry’s ear, and he can’t help but huff.

“Your little helpers again?” Len asks knowingly as Barry sits back and frowns unhappily.

“Don’t be mean,” he chides but still steals another brief kiss before he climbs off the other man’s lap.

“I’m here. You’ve something for me?”

“Yes, there’s a car chase at Fox’ street,” Cisco explains. “And there seems to be a hostage involved.”

“I’m on it.”

“And keep the line on this time!”

“Of course,” Barry assures him before he turns back to Len who is watching him with fond exasperation.

“I’ll come back later, with good pasta, and some awesome tiramesu as dessert,” he promises.

“I think I’ve something else on my mind I’d like as dessert.” Len rumbles and wiggles his eyebrows which causes Barry to laugh.

“You two are the corniest couple I know!” Cisco sounds like he is torn between being amused and annoyed. “Stop flirting and get back to saving people!”

“I’ll be on it in a-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” his friend groans, but Barry is merciless.

“- flash.”

Len snorts and shoots him a bemused look while Cisco audibly laments on how it has come to him being friends with such a dork.

Barry grins and goes back to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! :)
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you think, I always enjoy your comments immensely! :3


End file.
